Dance within the Storm

November quickly came and went for me in Edinburgh. It seems a lot has happened in a short time period since I last updated. On top of the American elections and thanksgiving, a couple UK holidays were this month as well: Remembrance day and Guy Fawkes day (aka Bonfire night).

Guy Fawkes day is celebrated annually the night of November 5th with fireworks and bonfires. On this day in 1605 a number of Catholic conspirators, including Guy Fawkes, attempted and failed to blow up the Houses of Parliment in London, England. I found in Edinburgh that fireworks were set off throughout the week, including the backyard of Bethany Centre :).

Remembrance day is a day also known as Veterans day in the US. It is a day to commemorate the sacrifices of members of the armed forces and of civilians in the times of war, specifically since the first World War. Major hostilities of WWI were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918. Wee poppy pins were worn by most people and sold outside major stores in Britain.

My thanksgiving this year was spent down in Saltburn, England, a very small town south of Newcastle. My flatmate, Maria, and I went to celebrate with another ELCA volunteer, Winona. It was great to see Winona again and see how she is spending her year in England. Over 50 people from her church and community came together for an American Thanksgiving for the first time in Saltburn. It was awesome to be able to share such a special holiday and fellowship with them.

Life at the centre has been, well, up and down. Many guys have moved out, some successfully, others, not so successfully. There have been a lot of new interviews and referals this past month as the centre is almost completely full with 17 residents. Our goal is to be full by Christmas time which will not be a problem at all and I’m sure will happen soon.

With all the busyness going on, it has become a daily prayer for me to continually ask God to give me the strength for each day. Below is a poem I want to share with you. I find it very encouraging and read it quite frequently as well:

“Do not retreat into your private world,
That place of safety, sheltered from the storm,
Where you may tend your garden, seek your soul,
And rest with loved ones where the fire burns warm.

To tend a garden is a precious thing,
But dearer still the one where all may roam,
The weeds of poison, poverty, and war,
Demand your care, who call the earth your home.

To seek your soul is a precious thing,
But you will never find it on your own,
Only among the clamor, threat, and pain
Of other people’s need will love be known.

To rest with loved ones is a precious thing,
But peace of mind exacts a higher cost,
Your children will not rest and play in quiet,
While they still hear the crying of the lost.

Do not retreat into your private world,
There are more ways than firesides to keep warm;
There is no shelter from the rage of life,
So meet its eye, and dance within the storm.”

Kathy Galloway
Iona Community, Scotland

I love this poem because it really expresses a lot of my feelings with coming to the UK and leaving what is comfortable. And because of that I have come to know God in a way I never have before. Since I’ve been here people keep asking me if I have culture shock, what is the biggest difference is between where I come from and where I am now? And to answer honestly, getting past the language barrier, the biggest culture shock to me is the population I am working with. I feel like God has given me a good kick in the bum and said, “Blair, here I am! Here I am a midst the pain, depression, lonliness, boredom, anxiety, temptation and cravings. Here I am the men who are fighting a battle to find new life and to overcome a history of shame and abuse.”

Just last week some of the residents and I had the honor of attending a baptism for one of the guys staying at the centre. It was most definitely one of the coolest things I’ve done since I’ve been here. There were 9 baptisms that took place that night. Each person took turns telling their testimony and then they were fully emersed in the baptismal water. I was so proud of the our Bethany resident who boldly stood in front of a huuuuge congregation and told his story(which was quite different than the rest of the middle class, young, lads). It was awesome to see the amount of courage he had to be completely real, talking about where he came from and his past life and how God has freed him from that.

He has come face to face with the rages of life, now dancing within the storm.

This week I listened to a sermon about the brokenness of the human condition. I was again reminded, it is through the cracks in life that God shines through brightly and it is through his grace we are all held together.

Choose Joy

Happy late Halloween!
I’m a little late with my October update but there has definitely been a lot going on!

Towards the beginning of the month I was able to do some traveling outside of Edinburgh for the first time which was brilliant! Some friends of mine and I rented a car and headed up north to the highlands. We stayed the night in Fort William and climbed Ben Nevis the next morning. Ben Nevis is the tallest mountain in the United Kingdom. And when I say it’s the tallest mountain, I mean 4,406 ft. Not too high when compared to mountains in Colorado! We made it to the top in about 3 hours, had some lunch in the snow, and then headed back down in the sunshine.

The next day, because we still had the car rented, we drove the cost of Fife and ended up in St. Andrews. We walked around the university, which is absolutely beautiful, and I was also able to see where golf first began. I’m sure that would have been a bit more exciting if I enjoyed golf. But I took pictures for all of you out there who would find that interesting :). Although the trip was just for a short weekend, it was so refreshing to get out of the city and see how beautiful Scotland really is.

A couple weeks ago I also headed down south to London for my first Time for God conference. I am in the TFG+ program which is a more focused mentoring program than the larger TFG program. There were about 8 volunteers there, 5 of which are also part of the ELCA’s Young Adults in Global Mission program. It was so nice to see my friends from America again and it was awesome listening to their stories about their placements so far.

Through out my week in London we talked a lot about vocation and calling. It was good and also got me thinking about some questions: What does it mean to be called by God? How did God call people in the bible? How does God call me? Do I feel called to be where I am?

One quote that I heard over the week described a calling as “where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.” I really like that quote but then I realized that even when God called Moses in the bible, he wasn’t too keen on going at first, it definitely was not his deepest gladness. God called him to free the Israelites out of slavery and Moses kept making excuses as to why he was not willing! But he went anyway, God gave him everything that he needed and answers to all of his concerns.

I continue to question why God has called me to this place. As I mentioned in my last post, this is my first time working with addicts and it has been a bit of a rollercoaster finding my purpose at Bethany. And just like Moses, I don’t always feel adequate enough, I don’t always know what to say or what not to say, I don’t always know how to cope with hearing about tragedies and relapses. But God put me here anyway. And I know he is shaping my character and teaching me things while I am here but I need to learn how to listen to him more and figure out what he is telling me.

Some days I feel my calling here is clearer than other days. For example, a couple days ago I went in to work wearing a shirt that said “JOY” on it. Little did I know it would have such an effect on people. Several of the staff and residents told me the shirt was fitting to my personality and thanked me for being able to make them smile and bring joy into the centre. I was caught off guard by there responses but happy to share the spirit in such a simple way. By the end of the day “Joy” had become my nickname.

If everyday was as joyful as that then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard for me to feel like I have a purpose and a specific calling for each day. But I’m learning and trying to listen and seek God just as Elijah does in 1 Kings 19:11-13 and obey just as Moses did.

Hope you are all healthy and well.

Peace and God bless.